yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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