shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
