So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
