when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
