8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
