Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
