Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
