i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
