nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
