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• (954): View more from Florida

  just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Restraining orders are what college is about.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.

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• (831): View more from California

  I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one

  (602): View more from Arizona

  When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them

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• (951): View more from California

  Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."

  (713): View more from Texas

  Well thank god i want six autographed copies

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!

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