Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
