I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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