so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
