I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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