I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
