Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it penis luge time yet?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
