U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
