someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
