I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
