The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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