It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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