I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
