i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
