TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I could make wine with my vomit
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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