and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
