I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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