I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
