I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
