insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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