I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
