don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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