Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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