Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
