i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
