Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
