During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
