my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
