you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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