her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
