You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
