WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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