420 ftw
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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