Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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