I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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