i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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