i just had sex bonerless
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
