I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we're making bets on your personal life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
