The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
