Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
