yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
