im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
