Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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