hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
