We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
