Can i not drive my cunt home
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
