..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
