I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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