they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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