Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
